Friday, December 19, 2014


I have a very narrow nasal passage way. I'm a big mouth breather, which means I have horrible breath in the morning. I have a difficult time breathing only through my nose, and as a child I sounded like I had a cold all the time. Not insanely, but the distinct sound was there. I never really noticed it until I heard a recording of my voice when I was very young. A lot of the people in my family have the same thing, Sarah even had surgery to correct it. It's something I've always hated about myself, because I've had serious moments where I felt like I couldn't breath. I've been doing yoga, which has helped me a lot because they force you to breath through your nose, but it's still a nuisance. If I listen to a recording of my older self I still hear that sound, that "I have a stuffy nose" sound come from me. It's just who I am, I guess. 

Today I heard my voice in Milo's. It was so clearly there. All he was doing was spelling out the alphabet. "A, B, C, D, E..." and it struck me so suddenly that I stopped doing the dishes to listen to him. All his life I wondered what his little voice would sound like. He barely even made noises until he was 3 and even then he didn't say actual words so I felt robbed of that "cute little voice" stage that everyone goes through with their child. 

This moment...this made up for it. He's like me. He has the same annoying narrow nasal passage way, and he sounds like he has a cold when he doesn't. 

He has a cute little voice.

Isn't life wonderful?

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Milo Update

It's been a crazy few weeks for Milo. He's had insane progress and I couldn't be more proud of him.

Almost as soon as he started going to school he started spelling with these puzzle letters. The first couple words he spelled were "Production" and "Practice". I couldn't believe it and I instantly bought 3 packs of magnetic letters for the fridge. I've had them before in the past, but Milo never paid much attention.

He started to spell maybe a word a day and then would leave the letters for the day. He is obsessed with the letters now. He is CONSTANTLY at the fridge spelling multiple words at a time. Most of them are from movie credits that he's obsessed with, but lately he's been adding new words. He even saw the word Amazon on the back of my kindle while I was reading it and went to the fridge immediately and spelled it. He's even spelling out the words vocally, and his speech is becoming more and more clear everyday.

We've figured out how amazing his memory is through this. I always wondered if he was big on visualization and now I definitely know. The school has seen his potential as well and right now they're working on a plan to get him reading and spelling out his needs.

...and this isn't all.

Milo has been speaking a lot more to me. Usually his vocabulary comes and goes, so I try not to latch onto it all the time, but he's hasn't just been repeating what I say, he'll independently use words to get what he wants "all done" "up" "stop" "yes" "no" "pee" AND he's using sign language sometimes too!


he's singing a lot more. He's participating in songs at school and at home. He's even doing the actions.  


he pooped in the toilet yesterday (he had completely regressed from it since we moved and went back to poop smearing), he didn't even fight it.

Life is good when you're not cleaning up poop off the walls.


Yet Again

I think I'm going to stop trying to be ahead of the game when it comes to buying Christmas presents. I buy gifts for my kids a month in advance and I'm so excited at the time that I'm done, and then I end up buying more mini-gifts through the month and at the end of it all they have way too many. Christmas comes and they end up only wanting one gift anyways, and it's usually the cheap one. Maybe it's just because they're so young still and Milo doesn't especially care about Christmas, so I'm getting excited too soon in their lives.

I have a friend (Alysha maybe?) who buys one gift they want and one gift they need and one from Santa. Right? THAT'S what I need to do from now on. It's too hard to not go crazy when you don't have a plan.

Do you guys have a kid-Christmas gifting plan?

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Coming Out... Sort Of.

Because I have anxiety and hate not knowing when people know things about me I have to come clean.

I've been going through a lot of self discovery lately, and I've had a lot of empowering experiences come into my life, lots of learning and growth that has lead me to leaving the lds church.

I'll give my mormon friends a moment to digest that...



Yes it's true. I no longer believe the church is true. Don't worry. I'm not going to write horrible anti-mormon literature (also known as my honest opinion) right now. I'm not going to force my opinion on anyone, so you can keep on reading.

I just wanted people to know so they're not put in some terribly awkward situation in the future... or more so I'M not put in some awkward situation in the future.

"But Why?"

Well I won't get into that because it goes into the "my opinion" category, but I will say the "it wasn't"s.

It wasn't because we're lazy

It wasn't because we want to sin.

It wasn't because someone offended us.

It wasn't because of Milo's special needs.

It wasn't because something secret and terrible that you don't know.

It's completely 100% based off of knowledge of the church's history and it's doctrine and the book of mormon. I read a quote from J. Rueben Clark that said “If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed” I investigated and made my conclusions.

It's not my goal to bring anyone else down. I don't hate members of the church. I don't think everyone is an idiot now. I don't believe you're stupid if you believe it. I love you all. This is a choice I needed to make for myself.

I hope all my lds readers can see past my exiting the church and still love me for me. I would ask that you don't guilt trip me (people have been doing that a lot). Pretty please don't invite me to church things, it just makes things awkward when I say "no thanks". I understand what the church means to it's members, so if you feel the need to express your testimony to me that's fine, go for it. I know it's coming from a place of love, which I appreciate. I just would ask that if you don't want my opinions forced on you that you would in turn not force your opinions on me. This includes articles, special videos, talks, etc. and I'll be sure to do the same.

If, on the other hand, you did want to talk with me about it and you did want to hear my side, then shoot me a message. I'd be more than happy to discuss anything you'd like.

I'm very happy with my choice and so is Brett. Again, we love you all and have no desire to pull away from anyone. Hope you all can in turn love me too. :)

** I didn't even say, Brett's leaving the church too.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Summer of George

Have you guys ever seen that Seinfeld skit where George proclaims to have a summer to do all these amazing things? He finds out he's going to have 3 months pay during the summer while he has time off. He has this epiphany where he basically says he's going to use that summer wisely. read a book, play frolf "Frisbee-golf", and other such things. He proclaims it to be the summer of George and then doesn't do anything all summer long.

I do that a LOT. Lots of Jenny summers that are like George summers.

Mostly I've been thinking about how badly I'd like to find some awesome hobby. You know those people that are like "yeah... I mountain climb and I'm a ninja at it". How did they get to that point? How did they figure out they enjoyed mountain climbing? Did they look at a mountain and say "yup... I'd like to climb the crap outta that thing" ?

You know what my hobby is right now? Watching television. I look at a TV and I'm like "buckle up TV, it's gunna be a good one today"

Maybe this is more about how I'd like to find a healthier hobby that gets me moving and not dead from a heart attack at 57.

Ideas? What are some hobbies that interest you? Or hobbies that you love?

Let me proclaim this year to be


Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Photographing Special Needs

When I did this session with Milo yesterday I thought to myself that I just wanted one photo of Milo smiling, that's it. I knew it would be hard and I knew it was a 2 person job, so I had Brett tossing him in a giant pile of leaves and I was singing his favorite backyardigan songs to get him to look up at me. when I looked through the photos the first time I was so happy that I got it that one perfect shot, and today I thought I would make a collage of all the extra pictures showing what a true session with Milo was like. I'm so happy I went through the pictures again because I love them all so much. I feel like I captured something so beautiful in him, and this shows me why I love my job as a mother and a photographer so much.

Monday, October 6, 2014

My 5 Year Old

I almost can't believe it. How has my baby grown up so much!? Does time seriously fly this quickly? I need to find a way to slow this down. I don't know how it happened but I woke up this morning and suddenly he looked a million years older than normal.


When Milo was born I remember thinking he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I was in such awe of him. I had waited one miscarriage and one stillbirth for this moment and boy he was worth the wait and the pain. I remember after Oliver had died I wondered why this happened to me and over the years I think one of the many reasons was to prepare me for Milo and all the challenges that come with raising a special needs child. Oliver taught me to value life, and man I value Milo more than anything else in this world.

I always wonder how I would be without Milo. I, of course, will never know, but I do know I'd be worse off. I was selfish, impatient, flawed. He has made me better. He's made others better. He's my sweet boy, and oh do I love him to bits.

I can't believe how far Milo has come. I'm just so proud of all of his accomplishments, but the biggest one is his loving nature. He's so naturally happy and content, and his innocence rubs off on everyone around him. You just can't help but love him.

4 years ago I would've told you the most important thing for Milo to progress in would be his speech. I wanted him to speak to me. I'm so glad things change and that you've shown me what matters more in life. I love you Milo. Thank you for making me better. Please don't stop being you.

Happy 5th Birthday!