Sunday, January 11, 2015

My Little Sweet, Cuddly, Loving, Clingy, Never Leaves Me Alone Buddy

Let me start by saying how much I love my son. 

Now that that is out of the way... My goodness. This kid can cling. He was my ghost child! Drifting from room to room, doing his own thing. "where's Abbott?" "I don't know... playing somewhere". 

No more. 

Now he's constantly touching me. He has to be touching me. "where you going Mom?" "mom" "Mom, I love you" "mom, look at this dinosaur" "mom, you look so beautiful today" "mom, listen to me sing this song" "mom, don't leave me" "mom, can I have more juice?" "Mom mom mom mom mom mom" AHHHH!!! 

It's cute, don't get me wrong. I'm doing my best to savor these moments where I'm his whole world, but other times... like when I'm trying to shower, or when I'm trying to make dinner, or read a book, it becomes less cute. It started at Christmas vacation. I don't know if having Brett around caused him to worry about me leaving, and then I did leave for a day, and he became much worse. 

He reminds me of that SNL skit where Bedelia (Nasim Pedrad) loves her mom (Tina Fey) more than her friends, and keeps hanging out with her. Her Mom is constantly trying to get her to be with her friends, but she just loves her so much and keeps praising her to her friends etc. (p.s. you should really look that skit up, it's hilarious)


Honestly, this isn't a huge complaint though. Abbott is adorable. He's currently sucking him thumb pressed against my leg watching me type. When I walk into a room he lights up, laughs, and runs to me. He always wants to cuddle, and he gets extremely jealous of anyone who is near me. I'm sure if I let him stay up, he'd be like Edward Cullen and watch me sleep.

I think this will be one of those things where I'll miss it deeply when it's gone, and he's a teenager that curses my name and tells me he hates me. 

It's official... I'll just love it while it lasts.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Alberta Winter

I never in a million years thought I would be missing Cleveland. A place where the snow melted when it hit the ground. A place where roads were plowed instantly. I'd watch the sparks the plows made against the bare streets in amazement. "They plow roads this early?" In Edmonton only main roads were plowed instantly. If you didn't have winter tires then good luck because you would 100% get stuck if you ever stopped. It's a common occurrence to hop out of your car to help push the one in front of you. The one time Brett and I did this in Cleveland, the driver sped off without a thank you.

At this moment I wish I could be with that thankless driver.

Today was Milo's first day back at school. He's a 30 second drive away. I usually start warming the car 15 minutes before I take him... which I realize is ridiculous for a 30 second drive, but I need to do it to soften the ice that's caked on the windshield every morning. I forgot to plug in my car and before Brett left for work I asked him to plug it in before he left at 7am. At 8:30 I went to start the car. Nothing. I tried again. Nothing. I sank into the seat debating whether it would be worth it to pull out the stroller and push my two kids to Milo school which would normally be a 5 minute walk, but with the snow covered sidewalks would definitely be a 15 minute sweat fest.

Is it bad that I didn't think it was worth the trouble? I walked inside and called the school. "sorry... my car won't start. Milo won't be coming today".

An hour later I was bundled in my warmest, shoveling the walks. I normally would leave it, but my Doctor Who phone case would be arriving today and I'm always afraid someone will slip on my porch and sue me, so out I went.

Yes. I have a doctor who phone case arriving. I'm a giant nerd.

January is the worse! Okay maybe February is, but it's 2nd worse. Alberta winter makes me want to set myself on fire.

I shall attempt to not let myself fall into seasonal depression and fill my time with books and hot chocolate and never leaving my house and perhaps watch old episodes of Doctor Who. Yes. Doctor Who. Don't act that way...Doctor Who is awesome. YES IT IS! Maren... quit it. You just don't get The Doctor. I know he's an alien and I'm afraid of aliens, but he's a TIME LORD! How can I not love a time lord from the planet Gallifrey? Every time I hear that Tardis I burst into gooseflesh.

All I can say now is ALLONS-Y!!

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Mom Holiday

It's 5:30am. I've been up for a whole hour now already debating whether I should go into Milo's room to calm him down. He's been running around his room, laughing and playing pretty hard, and I might be able to slow him down. However... there's a chance that he's up for the day and me going into his room would only excite him more, and if I were to leave him at 6:00am, he would flip out, waking the rest of the house. I'm pretty sure he's taking his mattress off his bed frame right now, and it almost sounds as if he's dislodged his swing from the ceiling. When you live with Milo, you learn to avoid attachments to anything ever. Wrecked his bed? Fine. Tore off the blinds? No biggie. Ruined his Christmas present I spent months thinking about. Meh. Broke my kindle? It's just stuff.

I feel like Bilbo Baggins in Lord of The Rings. "I need a holiday. A very long holiday, and I don't think I will return... in fact I mean not to". and I don't mean living in Rivendale. Although that would be awesome. I mean death. Please kill me.

I think the moment I became a parent the term "Holiday" and "Vacation" and "Time off" changed. As a kid it was awesome. You'd go to awesome places, have endless fun, stay up much later than usual, eat whatever you wanted, play play play. As a parent I long for school and order and control. Vacations are not vacations. There should be a mom holiday... and not mothers day. That crap is only one day a year.

Mom Holiday

-Would last a whole week month.
-Would involve nannies taking over everything (because there's no way my husband could keep the house in order and take care of the kids... just wouldn't happen, and I don't want to worry about it on my Mom Holiday).
-Would involve hugging and kissing kids once a day for one minute so you don't have to miss them
-Would involve hugging and kissing husband once a day for one minute so you don't have to miss him. 
-Would involve sleeping in.
-Would involve a beach
-Would involve a book
-Would involve food that you didn't have to prepare.
-Would involve going out to eat and not having to wait for a table
-Would involve zero planning.
-Would involve a Spanish pool-man
-Would involve massages every day
-Would involve guiltless shopping spree. 
-Would involve a thelma and louise type scenario if they ever tried to get me to go back home.

The End. 

Friday, December 19, 2014


I have a very narrow nasal passage way. I'm a big mouth breather, which means I have horrible breath in the morning. I have a difficult time breathing only through my nose, and as a child I sounded like I had a cold all the time. Not insanely, but the distinct sound was there. I never really noticed it until I heard a recording of my voice when I was very young. A lot of the people in my family have the same thing, Sarah even had surgery to correct it. It's something I've always hated about myself, because I've had serious moments where I felt like I couldn't breath. I've been doing yoga, which has helped me a lot because they force you to breath through your nose, but it's still a nuisance. If I listen to a recording of my older self I still hear that sound, that "I have a stuffy nose" sound come from me. It's just who I am, I guess. 

Today I heard my voice in Milo's. It was so clearly there. All he was doing was spelling out the alphabet. "A, B, C, D, E..." and it struck me so suddenly that I stopped doing the dishes to listen to him. All his life I wondered what his little voice would sound like. He barely even made noises until he was 3 and even then he didn't say actual words so I felt robbed of that "cute little voice" stage that everyone goes through with their child. 

This moment...this made up for it. He's like me. He has the same annoying narrow nasal passage way, and he sounds like he has a cold when he doesn't. 

He has a cute little voice.

Isn't life wonderful?

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Milo Update

It's been a crazy few weeks for Milo. He's had insane progress and I couldn't be more proud of him.

Almost as soon as he started going to school he started spelling with these puzzle letters. The first couple words he spelled were "Production" and "Practice". I couldn't believe it and I instantly bought 3 packs of magnetic letters for the fridge. I've had them before in the past, but Milo never paid much attention.

He started to spell maybe a word a day and then would leave the letters for the day. He is obsessed with the letters now. He is CONSTANTLY at the fridge spelling multiple words at a time. Most of them are from movie credits that he's obsessed with, but lately he's been adding new words. He even saw the word Amazon on the back of my kindle while I was reading it and went to the fridge immediately and spelled it. He's even spelling out the words vocally, and his speech is becoming more and more clear everyday.

We've figured out how amazing his memory is through this. I always wondered if he was big on visualization and now I definitely know. The school has seen his potential as well and right now they're working on a plan to get him reading and spelling out his needs.

...and this isn't all.

Milo has been speaking a lot more to me. Usually his vocabulary comes and goes, so I try not to latch onto it all the time, but he's hasn't just been repeating what I say, he'll independently use words to get what he wants "all done" "up" "stop" "yes" "no" "pee" AND he's using sign language sometimes too!


he's singing a lot more. He's participating in songs at school and at home. He's even doing the actions.  


he pooped in the toilet yesterday (he had completely regressed from it since we moved and went back to poop smearing), he didn't even fight it.

Life is good when you're not cleaning up poop off the walls.


Yet Again

I think I'm going to stop trying to be ahead of the game when it comes to buying Christmas presents. I buy gifts for my kids a month in advance and I'm so excited at the time that I'm done, and then I end up buying more mini-gifts through the month and at the end of it all they have way too many. Christmas comes and they end up only wanting one gift anyways, and it's usually the cheap one. Maybe it's just because they're so young still and Milo doesn't especially care about Christmas, so I'm getting excited too soon in their lives.

I have a friend (Alysha maybe?) who buys one gift they want and one gift they need and one from Santa. Right? THAT'S what I need to do from now on. It's too hard to not go crazy when you don't have a plan.

Do you guys have a kid-Christmas gifting plan?

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Coming Out... Sort Of.

Because I have anxiety and hate not knowing when people know things about me I have to come clean.

I've been going through a lot of self discovery lately, and I've had a lot of empowering experiences come into my life, lots of learning and growth that has lead me to leaving the lds church.

I'll give my mormon friends a moment to digest that...



Yes it's true. I no longer believe the church is true. Don't worry. I'm not going to write horrible anti-mormon literature (also known as my honest opinion) right now. I'm not going to force my opinion on anyone, so you can keep on reading.

I just wanted people to know so they're not put in some terribly awkward situation in the future... or more so I'M not put in some awkward situation in the future.

"But Why?"

Well I won't get into that because it goes into the "my opinion" category, but I will say the "it wasn't"s.

It wasn't because we're lazy

It wasn't because we want to sin.

It wasn't because someone offended us.

It wasn't because of Milo's special needs.

It wasn't because something secret and terrible that you don't know.

It's completely 100% based off of knowledge of the church's history and it's doctrine and the book of mormon. I read a quote from J. Rueben Clark that said “If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed” I investigated and made my conclusions.

It's not my goal to bring anyone else down. I don't hate members of the church. I don't think everyone is an idiot now. I don't believe you're stupid if you believe it. I love you all. This is a choice I needed to make for myself.

I hope all my lds readers can see past my exiting the church and still love me for me. I would ask that you don't guilt trip me (people have been doing that a lot). Pretty please don't invite me to church things, it just makes things awkward when I say "no thanks". I understand what the church means to it's members, so if you feel the need to express your testimony to me that's fine, go for it. I know it's coming from a place of love, which I appreciate. I just would ask that if you don't want my opinions forced on you that you would in turn not force your opinions on me. This includes articles, special videos, talks, etc. and I'll be sure to do the same.

If, on the other hand, you did want to talk with me about it and you did want to hear my side, then shoot me a message. I'd be more than happy to discuss anything you'd like.

I'm very happy with my choice and so is Brett. Again, we love you all and have no desire to pull away from anyone. Hope you all can in turn love me too. :)

** I didn't even say, Brett's leaving the church too.